Tuesday, October 6, 2009
I have been a little on edge about the GRE. Mainly about the subject test... I have studied literature for the past three years. I should know something about it, right? I am pretty confident in the American literature portion of the subject test. I love American lit! Most of my classes have been geared towards that subject. I realize now that I should have taken more classes in British literature.... I am a little worried about it. I feel as though every waking moment should be spent reading. I have started with the Romantics. I am really glad too. I have a new love: Coleridge. I love the gothic elements in his poetry and I felt very moved by "Dejection: An Ode." I have even read a little contemporary British literature. I just finished "Arcadia" by Tom Stoppard. I loved it! I thought I would hate British literature... Pleasant surprise :)
Friday, October 2, 2009
GRE
So. I signed up for the GRE subject test. November 7th. I feel like my entire future depends on this single test... Stress....
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
So, I was inspired to write by another guy too. This one I'm not completely over. I think I open myself up too much. Oh, well. It can lead to some interesting insights.
Have you ever had that feeling where reality ceased to exist. Not your 'reality', but REALITY. You felt like a hollow projection. That's how I feel today. So completely void. So light. Everything is moving slightly slower. I look right through people. How they mock me! I carry their food to the table. They smile politely then turn back to their conversations. Laughing emphatically at some witticism. The real joke is on them. I want to shout "I know your secret!!" Laugh all you want. I see right through your ego. I know you're as hollow as me. You just don't know it...yet.
As I turn my back to the table I tread lightly. Every step so carefully placed. There is but one consequence. I must tread lightly. One wrong step and that's it. I would wilt away. Melt out of this world not knowing where I may end up. Without the illusion I dissolve back into the abyss, ceasing to exist in even a fake "reality".
My phone is ringing. I leave the floor and retreat to a bathroom stall. Just a text message. I begin to read initially with some bitter amusement. I can feel my fingers go numb. My heart drops deeper in my chest. Something is wrong... I'm no longer in control.... "Reality" has taken over. There are suddenly more consequences. I thought if I could challenge reality, then I could change his. I read it again and again... With every word I am no longer the light, hollow projection. I am weighed down, implicated by "reality".
Have you ever had that feeling where reality ceased to exist. Not your 'reality', but REALITY. You felt like a hollow projection. That's how I feel today. So completely void. So light. Everything is moving slightly slower. I look right through people. How they mock me! I carry their food to the table. They smile politely then turn back to their conversations. Laughing emphatically at some witticism. The real joke is on them. I want to shout "I know your secret!!" Laugh all you want. I see right through your ego. I know you're as hollow as me. You just don't know it...yet.
As I turn my back to the table I tread lightly. Every step so carefully placed. There is but one consequence. I must tread lightly. One wrong step and that's it. I would wilt away. Melt out of this world not knowing where I may end up. Without the illusion I dissolve back into the abyss, ceasing to exist in even a fake "reality".
My phone is ringing. I leave the floor and retreat to a bathroom stall. Just a text message. I begin to read initially with some bitter amusement. I can feel my fingers go numb. My heart drops deeper in my chest. Something is wrong... I'm no longer in control.... "Reality" has taken over. There are suddenly more consequences. I thought if I could challenge reality, then I could change his. I read it again and again... With every word I am no longer the light, hollow projection. I am weighed down, implicated by "reality".
The Perils of Dating
I'm not used to being single yet. I have starting dating pretty much for the first time in my life. Funny. I'm 21 I should have already went through this stage. The first guy I "casually" dated was named Mike. For once I was inspired to write; it wasn't forced but just flowed out. It still needs a lot of work but maybe something can come from it.
Number 1:
The meeting of two people, that is how the story of love begins... or possibly ends. Whose to say. Well, those two people try desperately to reach out. One more than the other. Intentions are blurred by our sense of rationality. "The heart" is not followed. Instead we analyze the other person; try to read their minds. All the while knowing deep down that they are not "that" into us. Or being oblivious to the fact that they actually are. Rationality prevails over feeling. Masculine over feminine; yang over yin. Signs are distorted; high personas brought to their knees. How can our egos take such pressure? We realize how alone we are inside of our own minds. So limited; so trapped; walls closing in... All because we agreed to a simple date.
Number 2:
How soon our minds forget. Almost quicker than our hearts. I try with all my might to envision his face. The lines are blurred and his voice but a whisper now. My mind does not want to remember. It knows it is being willed down a dark path. Something urges me on. It makes me constantly check my phone for messages. Occasionally sends one against the mind's advice. I wish I could smite this unseen force; protect my self.
Number 1:
The meeting of two people, that is how the story of love begins... or possibly ends. Whose to say. Well, those two people try desperately to reach out. One more than the other. Intentions are blurred by our sense of rationality. "The heart" is not followed. Instead we analyze the other person; try to read their minds. All the while knowing deep down that they are not "that" into us. Or being oblivious to the fact that they actually are. Rationality prevails over feeling. Masculine over feminine; yang over yin. Signs are distorted; high personas brought to their knees. How can our egos take such pressure? We realize how alone we are inside of our own minds. So limited; so trapped; walls closing in... All because we agreed to a simple date.
Number 2:
How soon our minds forget. Almost quicker than our hearts. I try with all my might to envision his face. The lines are blurred and his voice but a whisper now. My mind does not want to remember. It knows it is being willed down a dark path. Something urges me on. It makes me constantly check my phone for messages. Occasionally sends one against the mind's advice. I wish I could smite this unseen force; protect my self.
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